Hello, Goodbye, I Love You
by Unbelievable.Mishap
Summary: P4. Nanako centric. "You must miss your mother very much."


**A/N: This fanfiction was purposefully sloppy to show that Nanako is not that educated in grammar or vocabulary just yet, so if the errors burn your eyes, my sincere apologies. Hope you like it anyway. ( By the by, I just love abusing separation marks. Sorry. xD )**

**All Characters and Series © Atlus**

**. . .**

**I wake up, thinking it'll be okay.**

**. . .**

It's... difficult. Big Bro taught me that word one day.

It's difficult, living the way Dad and I do. If Mom was still around the house, everything would be different. When I get home, someone would always welcome me back, ask me how school was, or if I got lost along the way. When I'm bored, someone would always tickle me, or drive me to Junes just to run down the aisles. When I'm sad, someone would always hug me tight, squeezing all my tears away until I forgot what I was crying about.

I wouldn't have to remember to bring in the laundry, or wash the dishes for a long time, or cook all the food. I remember my friends having this surprised looks on their faces when I told them I do that all by myself. 'That stuff is meant for big kids,' they always say. I guess... I'm a big kid, after all. But Dad never says anything about it.

Now that I think about it, Dad never says anything about _me._

'Does he love _me_? Does he love those bad people more than _me_? Does he want to forget Mom? Does he want to forget _me_?' I thought and thought about it almost everyday, and I kept thinking about it as the lonely nights without him went on. And the night that I saw him come home, he always had to run back to work.

When Big Bro came along, he asked what my dad does for a job. I could see it in his eyes that he was worried, even though he didn't say anything about what he felt. "He works a lot... but I'll be okay," I said, and I kept feeling this lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow.

I hid that lump from anyone and everyone, my friends, Big Bro's friends, and Dad. I kept quiet, because I knew that it would make everything easier if people didn't worry about me. But Big Bro caught on to it; one night, he sat in front of me one day across the table with a frown on his face.

"...Something wrong?"

I couldn't answer, because the lump stopped me from talking.

* * *

_Adachi calls Dojima during dinner. It's about a car accident, just like the one several years ago, when all those smiles weren't fake._

_

* * *

_

"...Tomorrow," Dad said. "I'll take you to Junes tomorrow."

That's what he would always say. Even when I wanted to go somewhere other than Junes, or even when I wanted to play with him at home, he would say, 'tomorrow.' But it always took weeks, and those weeks felt like years, almost. Sunday came, and Sunday went. Then Monday. Then Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday_—_ and then it was Sunday all over again.

He would say the same thing over and over, "I'm busy. I'm tired. I'm..." I got really angry. I told him about it after he broke his promise so many times, and he'd always apologize, and then suddenly 'tomorrow' changed to 'soon.'

When is 'soon'? When is 'tomorrow'?

From my room one day, I heard shouting downstairs; the walls are thin in my house, so it's easy to hear anything when you don't want to. It was Big Bro and Dad, and they were fighting about something. I never liked fighting, because people ended up hating each other in the end; I don't want that. I don't want another separated family. I tried to block their voices out by covering my ears with my pillow and squeezing my eyes shut, thinking maybe it's just all a dream. But they just got louder and louder... and louder... I couldn't sleep with them fighting!

But... I didn't want to stop them, like I usually do. Because I heard Big Bro ask, "When is 'soon'?"

I slept well that night.

* * *

_Unconsciously, he speeds recklessly across the driveways, because he has a precedent. Dojima already knows that someone's dead; Adachi says so, too._

* * *

I had only one wish. I knew that it'll never come true, but I wished for it, anyways.

So every night, I would kneel down in front of my bedroom window and look at the big star, the brightest one that always appears first in the sky. I'd ask out loud, '...I wish to see my mom one more time.'

I want to see her. I need to see her. I miss her— but I never told anyone that I did. Not my friends. Not Big Bro's friends. Not Dad. Not even Big Bro, but I had a feeling that he knew already.

I miss her, and I'm always afraid I'll forget her. Every time I pass by the Samegawa River, where Dad, Mom, and I always went for walk and picnics, I can barely remember her face, her smile, or her laugh. Pictures of her around the house become less and less, and those still around are old and broken. We never took videos of each other to remember us by, or bought toys very often for a memoir, or...— yeah, Big Bro taught me that word, too.

Dad misses her also. It's kind of obvious, especially on those cases about car accidents because he's so sensitive. It's best not to talk to him then, since he doesn't answer you back. Then again, asking about Mom is hard enough. Unlike with Big Bro, he doesn't make eye contact with me when I ask him.

...I wonder what Mom would say if she knew I was taking care of the house without Dad and her, like a big girl; I hope she's proud of how much I've grown. I remember Big Bro looking surprised when I told him I took care of the house by myself. It was then that I felt proud that I do such a big job. Sometimes I would ask Big Bro to help me with the dishes, and he would always complain about washing the lesser amount and splash me with soap and water. It's something Mom would do, I'm sure, because it made me happy.

I guess my actual wish... was for someone to be there.

* * *

_Chisato's yelling at him now, and Dojima can hear his wife clearly over Adachi and the roaring police sirens. She's saying, "Darling, darling..."_

_

* * *

_

The phone's been ringing a lot tonight. Those numbers on the screen are his friends, mostly Yosuke and Teddie; Big Bro's not here to pick it up, but that's okay. He said that he was going to go out for some shopping at Junes, and bring me back something cute. I'm kind of impatient, though. I would've gone with him, but he says it was a quick trip, and he has to go work tonight, too. I know, because I memorized his schedule.

Way before I found out Big Bro was going to stay with me for a year, I wanted a sibling. My memory isn't that great, but I remember asking my mom if I had a long lost brother or sister, of if they were going to have a baby soon. Dad's face turned as red as a tomato, and Mom just laughed while saying, "We'll see."

Yeah, she said stuff like Dad did, too, but it wasn't so bad because she always kept her promise most of the time. I guess even when she's in Heaven, she keeps her promise, because now, I have Big Bro with me. But it's going to be lonely when he leaves next spring. When he gets back, I'm going to ask him if I could go to his house and stay for a long time. I hope he says yes.

Dad just left the house not too long ago, so I'm all alone again. With all these bad things going around in Inaba, I'm not that surprised that there are several nights when he doesn't come home at all, and sleeps at the Police Station. It's probably the same tonight, since he brought a bag of clothing with him to the car.

But that's okay, because Big Bro won't be long.

Big Bro will be here, and then we can play together all night.

Big Bro will...

Big Bro...

* * *

_"... Your nephew's gone, darling."  


* * *

_

Big bro will come home soon, just like he always does.


End file.
